Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of KrangTNelson's best tweets

@KrangTNelson : no, boomers, millennials did not “kill” your favorite things. we took them upstate to a farm where they can play with other dumb things nobody wants

@KrangTNelson: one time when I was a kid I was in canada on canada day but didn’t realize it was canada day and I saw a mountie on stilts so I spent the next couple of years thinking canada had stilt cops

@KrangTNelson: stop saying millennials aren’t having kids. my posts are my children and I’m deeply disappointed in all of them

@KrangTNelson: it’s extremely weird how many reporters are turning in long-read stories about how fabulously wealthy jeff bezos is when it is pretty well known that editors are only really interested in pictures of Spiderman

@KrangTNelson: I hate when millennials make up new words and demand that we all use them. people should only communicate like they did before we started making up all these words: using short grunts & hitting each other over the head with large knobbly clubs

@KrangTNelson: stop saying “newspaper editors are only interested in content that causes a lot of uproar” when we all know that newspaper editors are only interested in pictures of spiderman

@KrangTNelson: PARENTS: when we were ur age we bought a house for $10,000

ME: oh yeah? well did u have.. THIS?!

*gestures to 114 gross Oreo flavors*

@KrangTNelson: JERRY SEINFELD: so what's the *deal* with airplane food

ME (whispering to my date): it's actually called "jetfuel"

@KrangTNelson: RUNNER: this is called "carbo-loading. we eat lots of heavy food

ME: that's great. love it

RUNNER: then we go for a nice long run

ME: no

@KrangTNelson: AMAZON, 1998: hello we sell books but online

AMAZON, 2023: please return to your Primehouse for your nightly Primemeal, valued Primecitizen