Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Kyle_Lippert's best tweets

@Kyle_Lippert : "I don't know why I'm always depressed" I think to myself as I stare at the glowing portal in my hand that streams a constant feed of horror

@Kyle_Lippert: "I love u"
"Umm isn't it a bit too soon to say I love you?"
"Oh ha I meant the letter U. What's your fav u word? Mine is Unreciprocated lol"

@Kyle_Lippert: "Trump is a good businessman" He has a failed steak biz, a failed vodka biz & failed casinos. HOW DO YOU SCREW UP STEAK, VODKA & GAMBLING

@Kyle_Lippert: *plugs my phone in to charge when it's at 80%*
*lets the low battery warning on my fire alarm beep for 6 months*

@Kyle_Lippert: Right on, adults who are excited for Halloween. I too get excited about things meant for kids. Last week I lost my shit because I saw a frog

@Kyle_Lippert: [A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married

@Kyle_Lippert: NOAH'S GOOGLE HISTORY
1) What is an ark?
2) How 2 build ark
3) Can god just build ark?
4) Are snakes necessary?
5) Is god real or am I high?

@Kyle_Lippert: Just saw a dude catcall a woman with "Nice heels, girl" and his friend slapped him and said "Those are knock offs, bro"

@Kyle_Lippert: *brings a laser pointer to the Broadway showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem*

@Kyle_Lippert: If you look in your bathroom mirror & say "Donald Trump" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs.