Funny Tweeter

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Page of Lisa_Laughs_'s best tweets

@Lisa_Laughs_ : The doctor said to treat my daughter's scratch with alcohol, so I kissed it.

@Lisa_Laughs_: Just waiting to hear those three special words... "there's no evidence."

@Lisa_Laughs_: Hey, I may not look like much right now, but believe me, in the morning I'll look even worse.

@Lisa_Laughs_: fortune cookie- You will not die alone but with many many cat...
cat: LOL THAT'S SO YOU!

@Lisa_Laughs_: I know two wrongs don't make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I'm like on 756.

@Lisa_Laughs_: Do you like them? I made them from scratch. Do you want one? - me introducing my kids to strangers.

@Lisa_Laughs_: When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.

@Lisa_Laughs_: I wanted to hear the pitter-patter of little feet so now my cats wear tap shoes.

@Lisa_Laughs_: Me: I can't work today.
Boss: Why?
M: My grandma died.
B: Our grandmas died 20 yrs ago.
M: ...
-Why working for your brother is a bad idea.

@Lisa_Laughs_: Detective: Where were you on the night-
Me: Twitter
Detective: Between the hour-
Me: Twitter
Detective: I wasn't fini-
Me: Twitter