Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Lisabug74's best tweets

@Lisabug74 : *gets arrested *mug shot posted *waits for modeling contract

@Lisabug74: I hate when I fall down the stairs without my Fitbit on.

@Lisabug74: 8 out of 10 ladies at a karaoke bar who sing,“I Will Survive,” are hoping the enemies who wronged them are in the audience.

@Lisabug74: I fed my dogs spaghetti so they could kiss, but instead they’re growling over a cold meatball and not sitting still for my painting.

@Lisabug74: Don't you love it when you're doing a nude selfie in a leather harness and you accidentally press answer on your mom's face time?

@Lisabug74: I can feel my cat judging me as I lick the spilt gravy off of her coat.

@Lisabug74: You realize a robot is telling you to pick out tree pictures to make sure you're not a robot.

@Lisabug74: I successfully cleared a path from the front door to the TV. Now I can watch Hoarders.

@Lisabug74: Mirror mirror on the wall, please make me look like a mix between emaciated and "I'd hit that."

@Lisabug74: 1974: 3 hours to buy a movie ticket.

1989: Welcome to Movie-Fone!

2017: *streams Star Wars on toilet*