Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Lisabug74's best tweets

@Lisabug74 : The man next to me has cologne so strong that I’m dizzy with hallucinations, plus all those mushrooms I took.

@Lisabug74: Shout out to the pack of wolves that raised me to be the lady I am today.

@Lisabug74: I offered to split the check but my date insisted we go old fashion and fight to the death.

@Lisabug74: *wins $1000*

To claim your prize, create an account and password.

Ugh this will take forever, nevermind.

@Lisabug74: Satanic ritual canceled. The goats keeps eating the sacred parchment paper.

@Lisabug74: My husband joined me in the shower this morning. Can’t a gal eat a breakfast burrito in peace?

@Lisabug74: “Pull over! Get out of the car slowly and let me see your shoes!” - fashion police

@Lisabug74: TV: Are you prepared for an earthquake?

*thinks about the 175 Hot Pockets in the freezer*

Me: Yes.

@Lisabug74: I spilled red wine on my white pants. So I decided to sprinkle blue glitter on them too. I'm now a top seller on Etsy.

@Lisabug74: *gets arrested
*mug shot posted
*waits for modeling contract