@LizHackett: No member of any family has the same interpretation of the sentence "We need to leave in ten minutes."
@LizHackett: I’d be fine with a ghost in the house if every time a message in blood appeared on the wall it was something helpful like YOUR KEYS ARE IN THE FRONT DOOR.
@LizHackett: ME: Why can’t I sleep?
CUP OF COFFEE FROM 4 PM: I’ve put together a list of everyone who might be mad at you.
@LizHackett: I've studied enough modern theater to know that inviting another couple over for dinner never ends well.
@LizHackett: I hate cooking, but I am excited to debut my cookbook "Toast On A Paper Towel, 365 Ways."
@LizHackett: Every evening from 7 to 8 PM, my neighbor's child practices piano with what sounds like her face.
@LizHackett: I want my house to be tidy enough so that if people stop by unannounced, it doesn't look like I adopted a bear with a jug stuck on its head.
@LizHackett: God returns to his desk with a midnight snack. He squints at a video feed of Earth. The plate of nachos falls to the floor in slow motion.
@LizHackett: I was in the grocery store when Vogue came on, and while nobody could keep up with my choreography, security did let me finish the routine.