@LizHackett: It is a truth universally acknowledged that no two people have the same interpretation of the words "We need to leave in ten minutes."
@LizHackett: A posh woman asked where I got my boots and I didn't want to say TJ Maxx, so I told her I won them in a bar fight.
@LizHackett: Having an older dog means ten seconds after you drop a piece of food, you have to drop an even bigger piece of food so they can find it.
@LizHackett: I'm quiet and not great about confronting neighbors, so I renamed our wifi Everyone Hates Your Rooster, Greg.
@LizHackett: I'd be fine with a ghost in the house if each time a message in blood appeared on a wall it was something helpful like YOU'RE OVERCOOKING THE SALMON.
@LizHackett: I don't want clothes that spark joy. I want clothes in which I can pause in a doorway, look over a shoulder, and utter something devastating before exiting.
@LizHackett: It is a truth universally acknowledged that if two people are at Home Depot one of them is pissed about it.
@LizHackett: Whenever I see a family and one child is trudging slightly behind everyone and crying, I want to lean in and whisper, "Someday you will write jokes."
@LizHackett: It’s not the holidays until I see two minivans with red noses lock antlers over a parking space at Target.