@LlamaInaTux: Receptionist: the doctor can see you now
invisible man who's also blind: who said that
receptionist: who said that
@LlamaInaTux: My ideal woman:
- speaks French
- has an army
- is of arc
@LlamaInaTux: Me: I just really want to kick this habit
Therapist: You want to kick nuns?
Me: No, it's just an expression meaning I can't escape my addiction
Theraprist: Oh, what are you addicted to?
Me: punching nuns
@LlamaInaTux: Me: can you make sure this diamond ring is in the bottom of her drink? I want it to be a really special moment
McDonald's employee: ok
@LlamaInaTux: Me: I signed my son up for an appointment with a child psyhcologist
Doctor: That's me
Me: but you're an adult
Doctor: and a child psychologist
@LlamaInaTux: Wife: your jeans are ruined. You filled them with cheese before putting them in the dryer again
Me: [whispering] ᴴᵒᵗ ᵖᵒᶜᵏᵉᵗˢ
@LlamaInaTux: Zookeeper: This panda is on the rampage and I only have 1 tranquilizer dart
Me: it’s pandamonium!
Zookeeper: [shoots me right between the eyes]
@LlamaInaTux: Interviewer : what's your five year plan?
Me: Well after I start work, I might settle down, I'd like to get married somed-
[interviewer rips off his mask to reveal my mom] WHEN CAN I MEET HER