Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LlamaInaTux's best tweets

@LlamaInaTux : Robber: give me your money Me: this is embarrassing but I am broke Robber: not a problem. I can loan you a 20 Me: thanks dude Robber: no problem. Now give me your money

@LlamaInaTux: Therapist: What is your greatest fear

Me: That Daniel Day Lewis could be playing the role of any person in my life

Therapist: *starts shifting very uncomfortably*

@LlamaInaTux: Shot to the heart
And you're to blame
You drink shots
With bad aim

@LlamaInaTux: If dogs named famous people, we would have:
-Bark Wahlberg
-Bark Zuckerberg
-Bark Hammill
-Bark Obama
-Charles Barkley would still be Charles Barkley

@LlamaInaTux: Me: *Making a wish as I throw a quarter into the fountain*

Coworker: He's ruining the fondue again!

@LlamaInaTux: Diary, day 1: I'm in the gang, but the guys didn't want my mom to join

Day 2: Friendship bracelets don't count as bling

Day 3: They found my diary. I'm out of the gang

@LlamaInaTux: (A world where everyone is named Bethany)
Bethany: what should we name our child?
Bethany: Bethany

@LlamaInaTux: (Invention of the necktie)

I can't figure out how to tie this silk noose. Looks like I'll have to go to the dinner party after all.

@LlamaInaTux: Turbulence is when the airplane hits someone's family photos backed up in the cloud.

@LlamaInaTux: The Seven Deadly Sins:

1. Envy

2. Gluttony

3. Greed

4. Lust

5. Pride

6. Calling Lego 'Legos'

7. Wrath