Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LorieGZ's best tweets

@LorieGZ : Tried to change the song playing on my daughters computer. She said to me: 'I'm going to put parental controls on it.'

@LorieGZ: Me: Did you know avocado improves Brain function?'

Kristen: 'Mom you eat it all the time and I haven't seen ANY improvement.'

@LorieGZ: Found $12 bucks today!
Well, it was in my daughters purse, but I figure she owes me at least $50,000 by now.

@LorieGZ: I ordered a pair of shoes delivered to my house. I'm too excited to wait at home so I'm camping out at the end of my street. Send snacks?

@LorieGZ: Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in!

My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!

@LorieGZ: My family seemed kinda happy that the rice I made yesterday fell on the floor before I could serve it tonight.

@LorieGZ: Getting a snowstorm today. They said it would start around noon, it's now 12:02, so already the meteorologists were wrong.

@LorieGZ: Mom: I called you bc I was watching a TV show & thought of you!
Me: Ya? What show?
My Mom (laughing): A show about Aliens!

Very funny Mom!

@LorieGZ: My husband thinks The Bachelor show is fake, they're all there to be actors, and that it's total bullshit.

Then he turned to wrestling.