Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LostFelicia's best tweets

@LostFelicia : My husband knew he couldn't scare me with that ghost mask, so he held one of my credit cards over the shredder.

@LostFelicia: Sometimes I go to the store for a battery, and come out with cotton balls, spray paint, cereal, and a lamp.

@LostFelicia: The neighbors saw me plow over three sprinkler heads trying to back out of the driveway, so now I need to move.

@LostFelicia: *Hums Every Breath You Take in grocery line
*Gets arrested for stalking 3 people

@LostFelicia: The husband wants me to stay on twitter more because I can't buy shoes here.

@LostFelicia: If I don't stop stress-eating, I will be the elephant in the room.

@LostFelicia: If you see me in Atlanta this weekend, at a Taylor Swift concert, that's not me.

@LostFelicia: Of course, golfing is a dignified sport..
except for that time I got a cart stuck between two trees.

@LostFelicia: I knew my kid inherited my artistic abilities back when she drew that cute little pig. She called it a dog, but whatever.

@LostFelicia: Ahh, birds chirping outside my window.
*lets the cat out*
*goes back to sleep*