Funny Tweeter

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Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : Love is courageous, but so is arm wrestling a bear and you don't see anyone suggesting that.

@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...

@LoveNLunchmeat: My kid asked how the Easter bunny gets inside the house and I'm very uncomfortable with the amount of lying this parenting gig requires.

@LoveNLunchmeat: So many women brag about finding chips in their cleavage... But if you really want to impress a man, you pull out a meatloaf.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Of course you have no regrets. Regrets are for people smart enough to know they could have done better.

@LoveNLunchmeat: I've been Catholic for years and still have no idea which murders I should confess and which I should keep to myself.

@LoveNLunchmeat: [Grand Canyon]

*His screams echo as he falls to his death*

OMG THE ACOUSTICS ARE AMAZING HERE! HOW IS THIS NOT A CONCERT VENUE?

@LoveNLunchmeat: Canadian Psycho, but it's just a businessman walking around with a chainsaw, apologizing profusely

@LoveNLunchmeat: [watching basketball]

I bet these guys all have really big *husband stares at me* feet.

And that's how you get him to turn off the game.

@LoveNLunchmeat: [deathbed]
Son, your online girlfriend, how closely cropped are her pics?

-Just face, Dad. She's very modest

She's. A. Dude.
*flatlines*