Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : Three seasons into Game of Thrones, and I still can't figure out why all the characters are named after psychiatric meds.

@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm automatically suspicious of anyone who seems to really like me. From now on I want to see nothing but tepid enthusiasm from you, Sunshine.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Pay me and I'll tell you whether or not your kid is actually cute.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Remember folks, the more you decorate for the holidays, the more flammable your house & property. Happy Holidays!!

@LoveNLunchmeat: My son thinks he's studying for his math competition. What he doesn't know is that I'm just asking him all these questions until our checkbook is balanced.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins because the next thing you know you need a shovel and an alibi.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Establish dominance by shaking your spouse's hand when they go in for a kiss.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Do people who go to stores on Black Friday know that if you anger your entire family, you don't have to buy holiday gifts?

@LoveNLunchmeat: Who knew a midlife crisis could have so few convertibles and so many cats?

@LoveNLunchmeat: My daughter plays recorder now and practices every single day, so yes, I believe in karma. I'm not even sure what I did, but I believe in it.