@LoveNLunchmeat: Him: Why are you so obsessive? Why can't you just let things go?
Me: *sighs and puts my 24 page essay on why toast is terrible back into my briefcase*
@LoveNLunchmeat: No thanks Ice Bar. If anyone wants to get me inside a freezer they're gonna have to murder me first.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just saw a homeless man smoking a cigarette & it made me really sad... I wish I could afford cigarettes.
@LoveNLunchmeat: If evolution isn't real, then why are my hands the perfect size and shape for carrying Starbucks cups?
@LoveNLunchmeat: There are two types of people: those who love terrible puns, and those who are no pun.
@LoveNLunchmeat: [watching Boogie Nights]
age 19: OMG Rollergirl is sexy.
age 37: OMG wearing rollerskates during sex is dangerous. How is she still alive?
@LoveNLunchmeat: Joke's on you home invader. I don't have fancy jewelry, and I already ate all the Little Debbie snack cakes.