@LoveNLunchmeat: Joke's on you home invader. I don't have fancy jewelry, and I already ate all the Little Debbie snack cakes.
@LoveNLunchmeat: A disloyal friend will shank you without hesitation, but a really good friend will think long and hard about it and then shank you.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Assassins are just murderers who found a way to make money off their favorite hobby.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Twitter is great for when you really want life advice, but from people who do cocaine for breakfast.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Luggage is like children. If you leave the airport with two out of three suitcases you did alright.
@LoveNLunchmeat: PMS is just an excuse women use to eat all the good snacks & occasionally when committing murder.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Took away all my son's electronic privileges, and now he's so bored he's given me 35 hugs.
May take them away tomorrow too.