@LoveNLunchmeat: You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.
@LoveNLunchmeat: You can't always get what you want, but if you cry loud enough you'll at least have the satisfaction of making everyone really uncomfortable
@LoveNLunchmeat: Him: I'm a lover, not a fighter
Me: [already has on boxing gloves]
Awwww, that's so sweet, should be an easy knockout then
@LoveNLunchmeat: If I ever get a Roomba, I'm gonna be totally irresponsible and just throw crumbs on the floor for fun.
@LoveNLunchmeat: upon my death:
1. tell my kids I loved them
2. give my daughter my jewelry
3. leave french fries in my coffin, just in case
@LoveNLunchmeat: Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby.
@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Serious question... Would Titanic have been more romantic if they had both died, but holding hands and floating, like otters?
@LoveNLunchmeat: [reading online survey]
Are you ready to double your satisfaction?
My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.