Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : [watching Boogie Nights] age 19: OMG Rollergirl is sexy. age 37: OMG wearing rollerskates during sex is dangerous. How is she still alive?

@LoveNLunchmeat: Joke's on you home invader. I don't have fancy jewelry, and I already ate all the Little Debbie snack cakes.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Save time on divorce paperwork, and just hand the judge your phone.

@LoveNLunchmeat: A disloyal friend will shank you without hesitation, but a really good friend will think long and hard about it and then shank you.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Assassins are just murderers who found a way to make money off their favorite hobby.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Twitter is great for when you really want life advice, but from people who do cocaine for breakfast.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Luggage is like children. If you leave the airport with two out of three suitcases you did alright.

@LoveNLunchmeat: PMS is just an excuse women use to eat all the good snacks & occasionally when committing murder.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Took away all my son's electronic privileges, and now he's so bored he's given me 35 hugs.

May take them away tomorrow too.

@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm smart, but not "I'll stop talking while I'm still ahead" smart.