@LoveNLunchmeat: You can have a terrier or you can have a Roomba, but you cannot have both.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Am I flattered when a man hits on me? Yes, but I also saw that same man whispering sweet nothings to a piece of pecan pie the other day, so not too flattered.
@LoveNLunchmeat: "Change is good," I explain to my daughter as I carefully apply the same color lipstick I've been wearing since I was 15 years old.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Everybody looks down on Pinterest until they need a good recipe for homemade organic edible panties.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I could die climbing Mount Everest or I could die sitting on my couch eating Tostitos and I think we all know which one is preferable.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I don't really argue with people. They just all end up washing ashore miles away under mysterious circumstances.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Daughter: Mommy, where does lightning come from?
Me: Well sweetie, when you don't clean your room, the universe gets very very angry...
@LoveNLunchmeat: I'd like to say the best moment of a woman's life is giving birth, but it's actually seeing an old nemesis & realizing she got really fat.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Years and years of periods are how women got so good at cleaning up after murders.
And I've said too much.