Funny Tweeter

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Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : Therapist sighs, sets down glasses, rubs the bridge of his nose. "For the last time, Christy, eating ham is not a life plan."

@LoveNLunchmeat: You'd be surprised how much of parenting is reminding your children not to eat soup with their hands.

@LoveNLunchmeat: You can't always get what you want, but if you cry loud enough you'll at least have the satisfaction of making everyone really uncomfortable

@LoveNLunchmeat: Him: I'm a lover, not a fighter

Me: [already has on boxing gloves]
Awwww, that's so sweet, should be an easy knockout then

@LoveNLunchmeat: If I ever get a Roomba, I'm gonna be totally irresponsible and just throw crumbs on the floor for fun.

@LoveNLunchmeat: upon my death:

1. tell my kids I loved them
2. give my daughter my jewelry
3. leave french fries in my coffin, just in case

@LoveNLunchmeat: Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby.

@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Serious question... Would Titanic have been more romantic if they had both died, but holding hands and floating, like otters?

@LoveNLunchmeat: [reading online survey]

Are you ready to double your satisfaction?

My god this sounds wildly inappropriate.

*clicks yes*