@LoveNLunchmeat: My husband just asked if I want to go hiking for our anniversary.
I think he's planning on pushing me off a cliff.
@LoveNLunchmeat: This waitress thinks I just left a really good tip, but actually I'm just really bad at math.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Once I read this story abt a meth addict, she'd vacuum her whole house daily, even the walls, and that alone was enough to keep me off meth.
@LoveNLunchmeat: If you don't count the six chocolate chip cookies or the two dead bodies, my diet's going pretty well today.
@LoveNLunchmeat: The internet is amazing, especially for when you really want to fight with strangers about politics or snack choices.
@LoveNLunchmeat: I married a smart, funny, handsome accountant, but let's be honest, mostly I was hoping to never have to do math again.
@LoveNLunchmeat: [reading death threat]
*shrugs* Anyone with spelling this bad would definitely botch a murder.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Are you supposed to wear your Fitbit in the shower? I'm looking to break this thing as quickly as possible and need advice.