Funny Tweeter

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Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : Some peanut butter M&M's just rolled under the fridge, and now I understand every sad love song ever written.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Yesterday my daughter asked how babies are made, and I gave such a terrible explanation she now thinks babies come from eggs.

@LoveNLunchmeat: him: [has seen Jaws, is smart, knows what to do when he hears the Jaws theme music]

me: [has never seen Jaws, is dead now]

@LoveNLunchmeat: My debate style is more like Teddy Roosevelt. I carry a big stick in one hand, a sword in the other, and wait for you to agree.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Let's be honest, murdering someone before coffee would be pretty lackluster. I'd probably be too tired to even get the job done.

@LoveNLunchmeat: How is it my dog understands the word no, but my children don't?

@LoveNLunchmeat: Love is courageous, but so is arm wrestling a bear and you don't see anyone suggesting that.

@LoveNLunchmeat: My wedding vows were until death do us part. Yet nowhere did they specify cause of death...

@LoveNLunchmeat: My kid asked how the Easter bunny gets inside the house and I'm very uncomfortable with the amount of lying this parenting gig requires.

@LoveNLunchmeat: So many women brag about finding chips in their cleavage... But if you really want to impress a man, you pull out a meatloaf.