Funny Tweeter

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Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : Enough with the false promises. If you turn on your left signal, you turn left. I don't care if it was a mistake. You're turning left now.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Him: Why are you so obsessive? Why can't you just let things go?

Me: *sighs and puts my 24 page essay on why toast is terrible back into my briefcase*

@LoveNLunchmeat: No thanks Ice Bar. If anyone wants to get me inside a freezer they're gonna have to murder me first.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Am I joking? Yes. Absolutely.
Do I also mean it? Yes. Absolutely.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Just saw a homeless man smoking a cigarette & it made me really sad... I wish I could afford cigarettes.

@LoveNLunchmeat: If evolution isn't real, then why are my hands the perfect size and shape for carrying Starbucks cups?

@LoveNLunchmeat: There are two types of people: those who love terrible puns, and those who are no pun.

@LoveNLunchmeat: [watching Boogie Nights]

age 19: OMG Rollergirl is sexy.

age 37: OMG wearing rollerskates during sex is dangerous. How is she still alive?

@LoveNLunchmeat: Joke's on you home invader. I don't have fancy jewelry, and I already ate all the Little Debbie snack cakes.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Save time on divorce paperwork, and just hand the judge your phone.