Funny Tweeter

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Page of LoveNLunchmeat's best tweets

@LoveNLunchmeat : *lays down on the battlefield* You all go on without me. I'm tired.

@LoveNLunchmeat: I really relate to your au naturale selfies because I too was born wearing seven pounds of mascara and an eyeshadow palette of urban grey.

@LoveNLunchmeat: I'm not saying murder is the answer, but every time an ex dies, so do some of your darkest secrets.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Be grateful for those who keep your secrets.

That way you don't have to kill them & go to prison.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Is my kitchen floor clean enough to eat off? No. Does that prevent me from eating off it? Also no.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Well son, in the '90s, there was no drooling emoji. You had to show up at a girl's door and actually drool.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Oh men definitely want to strangle me, just not in a sexy way.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Having your 9 year old daughter pack for a sleepover is a great idea, as long as you're fine with her taking 17 stuffed unicorns and no socks.

@LoveNLunchmeat: Astrology seems kinda silly to me, but what do I know? I'm a Pisces, and we're just so damn indecisive.

@LoveNLunchmeat: The next time my middle schooler refuses to acknowledge me in public, I'm giving him a big hug and asking him when his last bowel movement was.