Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Love_bug1016's best tweets

@Love_bug1016 : Santa read your DMs. The only thing you're getting for Christmas is a prayer group on Facebook.

@Love_bug1016: I'm Asian, but not wears a kimono, eats dogs, owns a bonsai tree, knows how to use chopsticks, waxes on waxes off, good at the math, Asian.

@Love_bug1016: 89% of my class in high school thought I was good in math because I'm Asian. Luckily the other 27% were smarter than that.

@Love_bug1016: [trying to impress date]

Him: I want someone who's not afraid of a little PDA.

Me: *keys I WANT THE SEX into the side of his car*

@Love_bug1016: [first date]

Him: I want to marry someone who knows what commitment is.

Me: (trying to impress) I haven't put my phone down in 5 years.

@Love_bug1016: "Better safe than sorry," I tell myself as I send the 27th text telling him my feelings.

@Love_bug1016: Gentle reminder to send that good morning text so she doesn't have to draw on her angry eyebrows.

@Love_bug1016: Avoid the struggle of taking off a sports bra by never exercising.

@Love_bug1016: Him: you watch too much Food Network

Me: just enjoy your artisanal bread covered in a delectable berry compote

Him: its toast and jelly

@Love_bug1016: I'm sorry for the things I said when I was attempting to take off my sports bra.