Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Love_bug1016's best tweets

@Love_bug1016 : [on a date] him: I just want someone who isn’t obsessed with their phone me: *slowly slides the 20 ft charger I was about to plug into the restaurant wall back into my purse*

@Love_bug1016: I am woman. Watch me take one bite of cake then suddenly look pregnant with triplets ready to go into labor.

@Love_bug1016: [on a date]

him: I hope you’re a Game of Thrones fan.

me: *stabs him with a sword then sleeps with his brother*

@Love_bug1016: [date]

him: I loved Captain Marvel.

me: Me too!

him: What was your favorite part?

me: *sweating* The uhhh...marveling

@Love_bug1016: [first date]

him: I love an outdoorsy kind of girl who’s also dirty in bed.

me: * trying to impress* I once slept with a hobo who lives in the woods.

@Love_bug1016: Dear chapsticks that keep getting lost,

Take me with you.

@Love_bug1016: you, an idiot: It’s pronounced worcestershire.

me, an intellectual and foodie: Actually, it’s pronounced worcestershire.

@Love_bug1016: [first date]

him: I’m a cat person.

me: [trying to impress]
*bites him when he tries holding my hand

@Love_bug1016: Nothing says you’re failing as an Asian like your waiter discreetly handing you training chopsticks.