Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

If bad ads/pop-ups are redirecting you, please take a screenshot and email it to [email protected]. Help us keep the site clean!

Page of LurkAtHomeMom's best tweets

@LurkAtHomeMom : 90% of parenting a little girl is chasing her around the house with a hair brush and a ponytail holder.

@LurkAtHomeMom: My organization style can be best described as "just don't look in that room."

@LurkAtHomeMom: My 6yo: *begs to go to a Mexican restaurant*

Also my 6yo: *orders a hot dog*

@LurkAtHomeMom: [Bucket Lists]
2003:
1. Visit Rome
2. Go skydiving
3. Run marathon

2017:
1. Eat sitting down
2. Wake up naturally
3. Finish painting foyer

@LurkAtHomeMom: I didn't have time to have my coffee before drop off this morning. Anyway. Hopefully I brought them to the right school.

@LurkAtHomeMom: Nobody is hungrier than a child who's just been told it's time for bed.

@LurkAtHomeMom: No thanks, I'm not hungry right now. I'll just wait until after you put it away and sit down. Then I'll have some.

-kids

@LurkAtHomeMom: Wow, you forget to buy beer a few days in a row and suddenly your husband is offering to do the grocery shopping, my plan is working, guys.

@LurkAtHomeMom: Toddler: *crying bc it isn't her turn with the princess crown*

Me: Sweetie, you need to share

Husband: Just give her the crown, you're 35

@LurkAtHomeMom: I feel bad for women who say finding true love is the best experience in life. They've obviously never found their bra size on clearance.