Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@LuvPug : So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was all ---
And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was ---
And that's when I knew it wasn't gonna work out
@LuvPug: It's bullshit that my dog is a licensed therapy dog and he can't prescribe medication
@LuvPug: If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets.
@LuvPug: If there's ever an apocalypse, you'll recognize me because I'll be the zombie wearing flip flops
@LuvPug: I can't wait til there's a chalk outline filter
@LuvPug: I'm tired and want to sleep, but I can't stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down
@LuvPug: To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
@LuvPug: Waiter: Can I get you something to drink?
Me: just cheese dip
Me: With a straw please
@LuvPug: But seriously- how do Superheroes even go to the bathroom?
I mean, look at their costumes.
@LuvPug: I told my therapist what you said and she's gonna call your therapist and you're in big trouble