@LuvPug: These people at the theater are looking at me like they've never seen a grown woman hugging a stuffed animal at a scary clown movie before
@LuvPug: Doctor: serious side effects of this medication can include death
Me: I'll take it
@LuvPug: Everyone is acting like they're all excited for the eclipse like anyone will even look up from their phone
@LuvPug: Nobody ever talks about how effective letting dogs sleep in your bed is for birth control.
@LuvPug: Nobody ever mentions one of the greatest joys of being a parent is mocking your kids in an annoying voice, repeating what they whined about
@LuvPug: People on Facebook really lose their shit when you comment on their hospital check ins with 'Glad you're not too sick to post your status'
@LuvPug: I'm most like a dog when after someone has hurt me I won't get too close to them again.
Also when I'm eating food that fell on the floor.
@LuvPug: Women don't mind compliments on their shoes from under a bathroom stall, it's when you ask to try them on that they get all weird about it