@LuvPug: My husband and kids have started humming Darth Vader's Imperial March whenever I walk into the room and I've never felt more complete
@LuvPug: Every Independence Day I get a little bit disappointed when aliens don't try to take over the world.
@LuvPug: *puts 7 pairs of yoga pants on counter*
Cashier: planning on getting in shape I see
Me: god no, these are the only pants that fit me now
@LuvPug: *opening a bag of chips*
Librarian: Ma'am, you can't have food in the library
Me: It's my emotional support snack
@LuvPug: It hurts when someone you love says mean things like, 'Mom, wake up' and 'Mom, you need to get out of bed and make breakfast'
@LuvPug: I love the new Weight Watchers program. You can eat anything you want as long as you never join
@LuvPug: I wore a training bra for years and these things still don't listen to a word I say