Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LuvPug's best tweets

@LuvPug : Nobody ever mentions one of the greatest joys of being a parent is mocking your kids in an annoying voice, repeating what they whined about

@LuvPug: If Snickers really wanted to satisfy me, it'd be like 8 inches long

@LuvPug: People on Facebook really lose their shit when you comment on their hospital check ins with 'Glad you're not too sick to post your status'

@LuvPug: I'm most like a dog when after someone has hurt me I won't get too close to them again.

Also when I'm eating food that fell on the floor.

@LuvPug: Women don't mind compliments on their shoes from under a bathroom stall, it's when you ask to try them on that they get all weird about it

@LuvPug: I guess a good thing that would happen to me if the zombie apocalypse ever occurred is that I'd finally start running

@LuvPug: In High School I was pretty popular with all the boys.
I was known as "Hey, will you ask your friend if she likes me?"

@LuvPug: So I was all like Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was all ---
And I was Gal-lee-lay-oh
And he was ---

And that's when I knew it wasn't gonna work out

@LuvPug: It's bullshit that my dog is a licensed therapy dog and he can't prescribe medication

@LuvPug: If you hate someone on your Christmas list, buy them parakeets.