Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of LuvPug's best tweets

@LuvPug : I love the new Weight Watchers program. You can eat anything you want as long as you never join

@LuvPug: I wore a training bra for years and these things still don't listen to a word I say

@LuvPug: As an adult I've caused the most trouble by pressing 'send'

@LuvPug: Unless someone tries to take a kneecap out with a crowbar, I have no interest in watching the Olympics.

@LuvPug: "I like your skinny jeans, are they new?"

No, I bought them 15lbs ago

@LuvPug: The only thing more annoying than vegans who won't shut up about being vegan is people who aren't vegan who won't shut up about vegans

@LuvPug: These people at the theater are looking at me like they've never seen a grown woman hugging a stuffed animal at a scary clown movie before

@LuvPug: Doctor: serious side effects of this medication can include death

Me: I'll take it

@LuvPug: Everyone is acting like they're all excited for the eclipse like anyone will even look up from their phone

@LuvPug: Nobody ever talks about how effective letting dogs sleep in your bed is for birth control.