Funny Tweeter

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Page of Marcmywords2's best tweets

@Marcmywords2 : Every piece of cake Every cookie you take Every bite of steak I'll be watching you Dogs

@Marcmywords2: Once I was napping & 5yo daughter
dropped her Barbie Car on my face,
she explained it tho, she said
"sorry dad, I thought you were asleep".

@Marcmywords2: It's been 536 days, 5hrs 16min since I've spoken to my ex, so clearly I've moved on.

@Marcmywords2: No thanks Olive Garden, the last place I wanna eat is somewhere that treats me like family.

@Marcmywords2: Just used the phrase "my good coat hanger", if you're wondering if I have a Swiss Bank Account.

@Marcmywords2: People in my office act like they've never seen someone in formal working pajamas before.

@Marcmywords2: *calls bullshit

Bullshit: Who gave you my number.

@Marcmywords2: "Where you going, we're in the middle of a conversation."

OMG! This is just the middle.

Annnnnd that's how the fight started.

@Marcmywords2: For cardio, I drive before the windshield is defrosted.

@Marcmywords2: Sure boss, I'd love to take on some extra work, I have like 7-8 free hours a night where all I do is sleep anyway.