Funny Tweeter

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Page of Marcmywords2's best tweets

@Marcmywords2 : I hate when you go to a surprise party, and all anyone wants to do is talk about your drug problem.

@Marcmywords2: Ok 1st off, who exactly is "we" in "we have to go on a diet", and more importantly, why is there salad on the plate where my food should be.

@Marcmywords2: Drugs CAN make your life
miserable but if you wanna
leave no room for error,
try a Marriage Certificate.

@Marcmywords2: She texted me, "I love U"

So I texted. "I love U2....
Not their new stuff but from like the
90's"

Now my CD's are missing.

Weird!

@Marcmywords2: Hey dad, the hospital called, patients
are trying to rest, could you please turn
down your television.

@Marcmywords2: Tequila doesn't make me drunk and
disorderly, it just seems that way, cuz
Police Reports are all written by cops.

@Marcmywords2: Hey Dad,
The airport called, if you don't
turn down your TV, they're filing
a complaint.

@Marcmywords2: Pick a number, now add 7,
divide by 4, write it down.
Now get an apple, name it,
show it a picture of your cat.

Now go to bed,you're drunk.

@Marcmywords2: Why do all Gas Station restrooms look
like you just walked in on an exorcism.