@MarfSalvador: Neighbor: Oh your baby has beautiful big eyes!
My wife: Yeah, like his dad
Me: *Stares suspiciously at our gardener Sauron*
@MarfSalvador: Him: Shall we have sex?
Her: I want to wait til we're married
Him: Ugh fine
Priest: Shall I continue?
@MarfSalvador: [Looking at the vast night sky]
Her: What do you think about other life forms?
Him: Well *thoughtfully rubs chin* wallabies are shit
Him: *Panting* I swear I usually last much longer than that
Her: Sure you do
Him: Time me *holds breath again*
@MarfSalvador: Man: I was always afraid of dying alone, so…thanks for being with me
Parachute instructor: PULL THE CORD PULL THE CORD!
@MarfSalvador: Boy: *Kissing girl on couch* You wanna take this upstairs?
Girl: Hehe sure baby
Boy: Sweet! Grab the other end, I can't carry it by myself
@MarfSalvador: [Pulled over by cops]
Murderer: I swear officer! There ain't nuthin in the trunk!
Cop: SIR, PLEASE STEP DOWN FROM THE ELEPHANT