Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MariyaAlexander's best tweets

@MariyaAlexander : [trying to make friends as an adult] May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment

@MariyaAlexander: People think I'm a good listener but I'm really just solid at nodding

@MariyaAlexander: "I'm liking where this is going" I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face.

@MariyaAlexander: More "kills" on Tinder than any man in the history of online dating, Bradley Cooper is.... American Swiper.

@MariyaAlexander: They should just report when there WASN'T a shooting in Florida at this point

@MariyaAlexander: People need to stop posting denigrating photo memes of animals; they have dignity and deserve respect. Oh that's Rick Santorum? Ok carry on.

@MariyaAlexander: Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait...

@MariyaAlexander: I am waiting for the day we have a national scandal involving a gate

@MariyaAlexander: My years of napping and making out with strangers have prepared me for a solid career as a CPR dummy