Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MariyaAlexander's best tweets

@MariyaAlexander : My favorite thing to do at a rock and roll concert is to yell “kiss, kiss, kiss” every time the guitarists stand close together and face each other to riff

@MariyaAlexander: Why don't men ever think to do helpful catcalls like "YO SEXY THE SIDEWALK IS CLOSED AT THE END OF THIS BLOCK - CONSIDER REROUTING, MAMI!"

@MariyaAlexander: [trying to make friends as an adult]
May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment

@MariyaAlexander: People think I'm a good listener but I'm really just solid at nodding

@MariyaAlexander: "I'm liking where this is going" I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face.

@MariyaAlexander: More "kills" on Tinder than any man in the history of online dating, Bradley Cooper is.... American Swiper.

@MariyaAlexander: They should just report when there WASN'T a shooting in Florida at this point

@MariyaAlexander: People need to stop posting denigrating photo memes of animals; they have dignity and deserve respect. Oh that's Rick Santorum? Ok carry on.

@MariyaAlexander: Cops have a new radar that lets them see through walls into our homes but imagine if this technology fell into the wrong hands! Oh wait...