Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MarkAgee's best tweets

@MarkAgee : People are shitting on gorilla kid's mom for not watching. My mom had three kids under 5. I could've run a terrorist cell outta my treehouse

@MarkAgee: All this "Kaine is boring" talk is your reminder that nowadays Abraham Lincoln would have to know parkour or some shit

@MarkAgee: I feel like Donald Trump and Bill Clinton have a $1 bet that Trump can make Hillary president and Bill can make her not president.

@MarkAgee: If I win Powerball, I'm having at least six of you killed. Four of you know who you are. I think the other two will be very surprised.

@MarkAgee: My mother-in-law's text alert is an entire song. Starting to think my father-in-law's rage isn't really from Vietnam.

@MarkAgee: Candy corn is the rare candy that's worse than than the vegetable it's based on.

@MarkAgee: STAGES OF WORKING FROM HOME
- Yay I get to work from home
- It would be nice to talk to people
- I hope that pigeon sits in the window today

@MarkAgee: "Pres. Trump, how do you plan to respond to this attack on our soil?"
TRUMP: OK first, I've seen several people call me Tronald Dump online

@MarkAgee: I never believed in reincarnation before but... Dad?