@MavenofHonor: Squirrels always act like they just realized they left the oven on back in their tree
@MavenofHonor: So many friends have kids now it's tough to meet for coffee, let alone carry out the greatest casino heist the world has ever known
@MavenofHonor: On hot days I always check the parking lot to make sure no one left their car windows up with an ice cream cake in there.
@MavenofHonor: On some level I've always known that caterpillars drink dewdrops. But I never sat down to think about it while crossing the street before.
@MavenofHonor: I'm enjoying a run through the sprinkler, but everyone else "smells smoke" and "thinks we should leave the conference room"
@MavenofHonor: Listen, I've been stuck atop this condemned lighthouse for weeks now, and you don't hear me complaining. No one does
@MavenofHonor: Maybe I should've learned to code instead of majoring in Bermuda Triangle Studies
@MavenofHonor: Saw a woman leave her dog in the car, engine running, air on. He watched her from the front seat for a moment and then drove away