Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MavenofHonor's best tweets

@MavenofHonor : Before the invention of the automobile, you had to put roller skates on your horse

@MavenofHonor: Saw a deer on my bike but didn't have my phone to take a pic. Hopefully one day he will return my bike tho

@MavenofHonor: This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice.

@MavenofHonor: Never go grocery shopping hungry. Always bring a chair to the furniture store. Buy clothes in a swimsuit. I'm not clear on the rules

@MavenofHonor: The worst thing about coming home from a trip isn't unpacking, it's the looming threat of nuclear war

@MavenofHonor: Seems like I can't even sit on a park bench anymore without someone's henchman sneaking by to swap briefcases

@MavenofHonor: [frantically pressing buttons on spaceship control panel] WHICH ONE IS FOR POPCORN

@MavenofHonor: [i read a pun]
me: ugh, no

[i make a pun]
me: BEHOLD THE ARTISTRY

@MavenofHonor: When I use my grandmother's cast iron skillet I feel close to her. Even though she's way, way up there repairing the space station

@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps