Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Maxine12333's best tweets

@Maxine12333 : Reached a point in my life that I have no 'bones to pick' nor 'axes to grind'. Most would call it forgiveness, I call it memory loss and it's peaceful.

@Maxine12333: Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy, green meat is what you want to avoid.

@Maxine12333: 'Leave no stone unturned' is good advice if you're looking for something that crawls out from under rocks.

@Maxine12333: You can lose a lot on a no carb, no sugar diet.  I tried it and immediately lost my will to live.

@Maxine12333: Kids are easy to care for until they learn to roll over. After that you're never
sure what they're up to for the rest of their lives.

@Maxine12333: If you're feeling too good about yourself, go ask a 5 yr old to guess your age. That should even things out.

@Maxine12333: Friend gave me a 'stress' ball to squeeze when I'm tense. Did what I always do when nervous, I ate it.

@Maxine12333: Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won't show in your pictures.

@Maxine12333: Wish we had the power of at least one 'do over' in our lives. I used mine up in the 1st grade and winning at hopscotch wasn't worth it.

@Maxine12333: Woke at 2 AM to a strange male voice telling me to accept god.  Storm knocked out power at 7 and I forgot to turn off TV - thought I'd died.