@MomOnFire: Whenever I feel sorry for myself, I take my children to the grocery store. And then there's like 40 people feeling sorry for me.
@MomOnFire: Them: You're burnt out.
T: You need a break
T: I'm worried.
M: Okay. Will you watch my kids for a minute?
T: Hell no.
@MomOnFire: H: Something's wrong with you.
H: No, like for real.
M: Yes, I told you that from day one.
H: But you were kidding...
M: Haha, no.
@MomOnFire: Stop talking. They are staring at you. You are saying bizarre things.
-An Inner Monologue
@MomOnFire: Granny, pay attention and don't panic. I need you to think hard and tell me how many brownies you ate out of the blue pan.
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day?
Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
@MomOnFire: Whoever taught my five-year-old daughter how to "air quote," I need to speak with you privately.