@MomOnFire: Newsflash KIDS: The woman who paid for the fries gets to "steal" as many as she wants.
@MomOnFire: Tell me again how your unborn child will not see a screen before she's 8. I want to write down your exact words.
@MomOnFire: My son just said, “Peace on Earth, goodwill to men,” and shot me in the face with a Nerf™️ gun.
@MomOnFire: And then I heard my mother's voice come out of my mouth like a demonic possession, "Get your hands off my breakable ornaments!"
@MomOnFire: I'm starving and all I have is a refrigerator full of health food. I hate who I was four days ago.
@MomOnFire: One day, when my kids are grown with their own homes, I'll come over, grind food into all of their keyboards and lie about it.
@MomOnFire: After three days of uncontrolled laughing, random face slapping, and running into the ocean in ball gowns, I threw away my Dior perfume.
@MomOnFire: No one helped Cinderella when she hallucinated and talked to rats, cause people are garbage smh
@MomOnFire: Big Foot rental costumes are surprisingly realistic and terrifying at 4am around the bonfire at the party I wasn't invited to.