Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Mom_Overboard's best tweets

@Mom_Overboard : Me, sick: *filling up my Vicks humidifier* Him: Is that... Are you filling that with vodka? Me: Who are you my doctor? VAPOR IS VAPOR

@Mom_Overboard: Anyone: You go girl!

Me: Omg, ok. Yes. Finally. *walks away*

@Mom_Overboard: Inventing The Octopus-

God: *watching humans freak out over spiders on land* Hey you know what would be HILARIOUS...?

@Mom_Overboard: Who decided to call it a muffin top and not a belly donut?

@Mom_Overboard: If my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, I'm handing them rakes.

@Mom_Overboard: No I will not change my password.

If someone wants this life, they can have it.

@Mom_Overboard: [Extremely heavy metal voice]

HELL YES I WOULD LOVE TO HOLD YOUR BABY

@Mom_Overboard: *tumbles down basement stairs, laundry flying everywhere*

Me: *whispers through pain* parkour...

@Mom_Overboard: Boy, was I disappointed when I found out canoodling doesn't involve actual noodles.