Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MomofTeen's best tweets

@MomofTeen : Whenever I think of you, I am grateful for the many, many miles between us.

@MomofTeen: Interviewer: What makes you unique?

Me: I'm loyal to a fault, don't gossip, & work hard.

I: Yeah, so, you're not really going to fit in.

@MomofTeen: Not to split hairs, but I called you "haughty," not "hottie."

@MomofTeen: If having a social media account makes you a journalist, changing a lightbulb makes me an electrician.

@MomofTeen: Lower your expectations.
Lower yet.
Keep going.
There.
Hi, I'm Nancy!

@MomofTeen: I come from a long line of successful people.

I decided to stop that tradition.

@MomofTeen: Yes, I am a fully grown woman.

No, I won't leave this ball pit.

@MomofTeen: Shortly after firing up my Toro Power Sweep, I begin thinking of myself as a "leaf herder" and realize I need to get out more often.

@MomofTeen: When they spot a towel hanging neatly on a rack, teens consider it a personal challenge to rip it down, wad it up & leave it on the floor.

@MomofTeen: 40-26-36.

My measurements?
Naw.
Just the three Chinese meal entrees I'm ordering.