@MoneypennyNaked: The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.
@MoneypennyNaked: *deletes your contact information*
Siri: Are you sure you really want to do that? You've already deleted and re-added this guy 17 times.
@MoneypennyNaked: Sex with me is like going to the movies. It's dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.
@MoneypennyNaked: 20: Roll out of bed looking like a model
30: Blush, brush hair & go
40: Blowout, perfume, push-up bra, mani, Spanx, facial, plaster of Paris
@MoneypennyNaked: I could never be on The Bachelor. I don't need millions watching me get dumped & cry on tv. It's bad enough my cat sees that shit everyday.
@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.
@MoneypennyNaked: Me: I just need some time alone, please.
- Ma'am, if you're not trying on clothes, we'll need you to leave the dressing room.
@MoneypennyNaked: I really need someone to follow me around Target to say "No. No. Put that back. You don't need that. You already have 4 of those at home."