Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MoneypennyNaked's best tweets

@MoneypennyNaked : Me: I love you. DON'T LEAVE. Stray cat: I have a boyfriend.

@MoneypennyNaked: Sex with me is like going to the movies. It's dark & very loud. Bring candy. You can never predict the ending. Some people leave early.

@MoneypennyNaked: 20: Roll out of bed looking like a model
30: Blush, brush hair & go
40: Blowout, perfume, push-up bra, mani, Spanx, facial, plaster of Paris

@MoneypennyNaked: I could never be on The Bachelor. I don't need millions watching me get dumped & cry on tv. It's bad enough my cat sees that shit everyday.

@MoneypennyNaked: Every time I text this guy, he replies with "Sorry, I'm driving." It's been a few days. I'm guessing he's probably made it to Mexico by now.

@MoneypennyNaked: Me: I just need some time alone, please.
*closes door*

- Ma'am, if you're not trying on clothes, we'll need you to leave the dressing room.

@MoneypennyNaked: I really need someone to follow me around Target to say "No. No. Put that back. You don't need that. You already have 4 of those at home."

@MoneypennyNaked: Apparently even if you delete the drunk text messages you sent last night from your phone, the other person can still see them.

@MoneypennyNaked: [starts Power Point presentation titled "Why I'm Breaking Up With You"]

Him: Wait, what the--?
Me: Please hold all questions until the end.