Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MoneypennyNaked's best tweets

@MoneypennyNaked : 10yo: "I NEED my iPod!" Me: "I'm sorry honey." 10yo: "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Me: "You're right sweetie. Mommy played w rocks when I was 10."

@MoneypennyNaked: *asks every guy at speed dating*
"Are you going to drink that?"

@MoneypennyNaked: Living check to check is fine til you go from "Think I'll treat myself to a $7 latte" to "Which kid do I sell to pay for these car repairs."

@MoneypennyNaked: Me: Your dating profile said you're looking for a girl who knows how to have fun.
Him: Yes! *winks*
Me: [starts taking kittens out of purse]

@MoneypennyNaked: Dating tip: If you show a guy naked photos on your phone, 98% won't notice if you steal their drink.

@MoneypennyNaked: Mom: Cousin Julie works at Google
She marrying a doctor in June

Me: I got 7 bags of Xmas candy at half price



@MoneypennyNaked: Me: Look! I took the giant box that the t.v. came in & made it into a really cool cat house!

Mom: So you're still not dating anyone, I see.

@MoneypennyNaked: The only reason I've been going out with this guy all summer is because I have no idea how to operate my gas grill.

@MoneypennyNaked: *deletes your contact information*

Siri: Are you sure you really want to do that? You've already deleted and re-added this guy 17 times.