Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MrGeorgeWallace's best tweets

@MrGeorgeWallace : I wanna congratulate Disney on outbidding me for Fox. I realize now that my offer, $13,000 and an IOU for $81-billion scrawled on a Arby's bag in crayon, was unrealistic and whatnot.

@MrGeorgeWallace: I was fightin' this daylight savings shit but this morning I planted twelve acres of soybeans and fed the cows. Didn't even know I had cows but there they were.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Just sayin' witchdoctors are gonna have to pick a side when the shit goes down between witches and doctors.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Tried to back up today in a car without a rear facing camera. I killed seven pedestrians and three dogs.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Baristas, stop paintin' pictures in my damn latte. I'm gonna drink that shit not frame it.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 markets in the world, stock, super, Boston, flea and this little piggy went to.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 waters in the world, holy, tap, you can lead a horse to, baby with the bath and bridge over troubled.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Had to put a scarecrow on my wind farm 'cause crows were eating all the wind.

@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 suits in the world, 3-piece, zoot, swim, law and birthday.