Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MsFoxIfUrNasty's best tweets

@MsFoxIfUrNasty : [housefly pilot training] Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do? X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness? I: Repeatedly! Good.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at BBQ]

Wow...trying to wrap my mouth around this bratwurst reminds me of my first high school boyfriend.

He hated bratwurst.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: M: I have what they call animal magnetism.

H: *sidles up to me*
*winks* Oh yeah?

M: Uh-huh. *points to squirrel affixed to stray cat*

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: M: If my chip:salsa ratio isn't perfectly even, I will burn down this restaurant, I swear to God.
H: This is our house.
M: I SWEAR TO GOD!

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: Anyone else notice how Barney the Dinosaur is basically a T-rex & parents had no qualms about leaving their children with an apex predator?

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [date]

W: I'm really into astronomy.
M: Oh! What's your sign?
W: The one that knows the difference between science & superstitious idiocy.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [at gym]

*spends 45 minutes untangling headphones
*drops phone, squats to pick it up

Phew! Good workout!

*leaves