Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MunkMania's best tweets

@MunkMania : HIM: What are you doing? ME: Hiding some more money in the couch. Can't trust the banks you know. HIM: How much is in there? ME: $5.40

@MunkMania: [Watching Netflix]

ME: Ohhhhh...I never thought about paying off a funeral home to get rid of the body...genius.

HIM: What??

ME: What?

@MunkMania: My Dad said he wanted tools for Father's Day, so I brought my ex and my boyfriend.

@MunkMania: Sometimes you're the cat's meow, sometimes you're the hairball.

@MunkMania: I like men in uniform, but sometimes it's hard to flirt when they're handcuffing me for menacing or rescuing me from another kitchen fire.

@MunkMania: You know shit's getting real when someone bets their glass eye at the neighborhood poker game.

@MunkMania: 3: Who's that on your shirt?

Me: Yoda, from Star Wars.

3: I don't like him.

Me: YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!