Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Ndeshi_M's best tweets

@Ndeshi_M : *goes to fabric store* Do you guys have boyfriend material?

@Ndeshi_M: I didn't want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.

@Ndeshi_M: Well well well... looks like someone put on some weight again.

~ my pants right now

@Ndeshi_M: Him: I'd go to the end of the world for you!
Me: Well... what are you waiting for then?

@Ndeshi_M: Should I ever become president everyone who uses the word “bae” will be sterilized.

@Ndeshi_M: I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.

@Ndeshi_M: I’m quitting modelling, I need more job security so I’m going to become a princess.

@Ndeshi_M: Bailiff: State your name for the court
Hr: Clara Sofía Alba Constanza Guadalupe...
Judge: That’s enough I want to get out of here b4 lunch!

@Ndeshi_M: Colleague: Quick, the boss is on her way!
Me: That’s weird I swear that I didn’t hear her broomstick!

@Ndeshi_M: My dad is Jamaican and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.