Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Nickadoo's best tweets

@Nickadoo : Ann Coulter has managed to stay so thin because the last solid meal she ate was Hansel and Gretel.

@Nickadoo: Whenever I read the phrase "We've changed our privacy policy," I just shrug and assume they already have pictures of me on the toilet.

@Nickadoo: On Twitter, people respect you for sharing your deepest, darkest flaws. Unless those flaws are typos, in which case, die in a fire.

@Nickadoo: America. Where assault weapons will protect your family, but two dudes getting married will destroy your family.

@Nickadoo: "I just died in your arms" sounds much more romantic than "You're holding a dead body."

@Nickadoo: Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.

@Nickadoo: When a friend dies, I'm not sure if I should unfriend them on Facebook or occasionally "poke" them to see if they're still dead.

@Nickadoo: If you set fire to LMFAO they'll become ROTFLMAO.

@Nickadoo: "I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession

@Nickadoo: I'm less upset with Lance Armstrong lying about taking performance-enchancing drugs than I am at Oprah for lying about retiring.