@NikiWithIssues: Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer.
Me: yea I got arrested once
Niece: omg why
Me: for going through my aunt's drawers.
@NikiWithIssues: I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
@NikiWithIssues: Don't worry, officer, this isn't my blood. Really, stop searching me! I feel fine!
@NikiWithIssues: He's taking you for granted? Act differently. Do something spontaneous. Spice things up. Sleep with his friend.
@NikiWithIssues: I have to stop saying "Because I'm Batman" all the time. It's not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I'm Batman.
@NikiWithIssues: I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
@NikiWithIssues: I don't see the point of being a godmother if the kid refuses to kiss my ring. I mean, what the hell?
@NikiWithIssues: Liam Neeson is like Super Mario who keeps saving a chick who keeps getting kidnapped but instead of mushrooms he's really into phone calls.