Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Nikkeya08's best tweets

@Nikkeya08 : {Olive Garden} Husband:"Everyone is staring at us." Me:(In a luchador mask and pink feather boa)"It's probably because you said no cheese."

@Nikkeya08: I tried playing dead to see how my 6 yr old would react... turns out if i die he'll poke me and go down stairs and eat chips...

@Nikkeya08: Yoga Instructor: This is Warrior pose

Me:*Sitting down, eating a cheeseburger

YI:

Me:*chewing
I'm a Warrior who just slayed a McDonaldite

@Nikkeya08: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.."

Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?

@Nikkeya08: Me:*looks up from phone*
Okay, it was Mr. Plum in the ballroom with the wrench.

Family:

M:

Mom: We stopped playing that game 5 hours ago.

@Nikkeya08: Mom 1: My son loves gluten free chips.

Mom 2: Asher eats everything organic.

Me: My son had a chocolate donut and a booger for breakfast.

@Nikkeya08: Sorry my diet made me slap the oreo out of your toddler's hand and scream "NOT TODAY SATAN!"

@Nikkeya08: Cashier: Your total is $2,334.00.

Me: Can you take off the avocado?

Cashier: Okay, that will be $2.00.

@Nikkeya08: Children change a lot of things like now if I get lost in a corn maze I just lay down and take a nap or run toward the guy with a chainsaw.

@Nikkeya08: {Favorite Halloween Prank at Walmart}

Old Lady: Your son is adorable

4 yr. old: *running down aisles*

Me: Mam' My son died 10 years ago.