@NoTheOtherJohn: PILOT: This isn't funny, Ed. Let me in
COPILOT: *over intercom* Hey everyone, who'd like to hear a passage from the captain's dream journal?
@NoTheOtherJohn: ATTORNEY: Ladies and gentlemen, how could my client have committed murder WHEN IT'S AGAINST THE LAW [whispering throughout courtroom]
@NoTheOtherJohn: ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey
ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print
@NoTheOtherJohn: *doesnt stand for national anthem as protest against people who don't stand for national anthem*
@NoTheOtherJohn: "NOAH. YOU WILL BUILD AN ARK"
"NOT "K" THIS IS IMPORTANT"
"THATS OK. TAKE 2 OF EVERY ANIMAL ON IT"
"NO NOT FISH
@NoTheOtherJohn: Me: Jesus. Get the kids inside
Wife: What's wron-
Me: *running* JUST GET THE DAMN KIDS INSIDE
[a bee flies off of the lens of my binoculars]
@NoTheOtherJohn: The name "groundhog" suggests the presence of sea and skyhogs and I am not sure how I feel about that.
@NoTheOtherJohn: Anteater Kid: What's for dinner?
Anteater Mom: Don't be a smart ass, Brandon.