Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of noogscorner's best tweets

@noogscorner : The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?

@noogscorner: Splinter: Leo.
Mikey: I'm Michelangelo. That's Leo.
Donny: I'm Donatello. That's Leo.
Leo: I thought I was Raphael.

- Why they wear masks

@noogscorner: When she stops crying and gets really quiet, keep your guard up. You're experiencing what scientists refer to as "the eye of the shitstorm."

@noogscorner: Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.

@noogscorner: *throws keys at nearest sober person*
DRIVE ME HOME PEASANT

@noogscorner: Superman: Kinda sucks you can't fly.
Batman: It's okay.
Superman: Why?
Batman: My planet hasn't exploded, so I can still walk and drive.

@noogscorner: A young Lil' Wayne sits alone typing lyrics into Word 97 when a cartoon paperclip suddenly appears on-screen.

[Did you mean "digger"?]

@noogscorner: Batman: *puts on glasses* Hey do I still look like Bruce Wayne?

Superman: Um obviously.

Batman: Think about that for a second.

@noogscorner: Apple just announced a 20-year plan to develop technology that actually allows grid-like manual organization of Home screen app icons.

@noogscorner: Maybe that neighbor without a Wi-Fi password isn't an idiot. Maybe he's generous. And an idiot.