Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ObscureGent's best tweets

@ObscureGent : If you’re the last person to leave the office, nobody will judge you when you eat the leftover birthday cake from the trash.

@ObscureGent: Telling everyone “great costume” whether or not they’re wearing one.

@ObscureGent: Group therapist: What’s your biggest fear?

Wolfman: Silver bullets

Frankenstein: Fire

Dracula: Lasagna, spaghetti...you know, most Italian dishes.

@ObscureGent: To see someone’s true savage nature, you must observe them eat crab legs at a buffet.

@ObscureGent: 88% of parenting is begging your kids to blow their nose.

@ObscureGent: *First hour into camping with my family with no phone*

I have 2 kids?!

@ObscureGent: Most people will give you their jacket if you’re naked and tell them you come from the future.

@ObscureGent: Me: How’s it going?

Coworker: Can’t complain.

Me: Try harder.

Coworker: Life is meaningless.

Me: Atta boy.

@ObscureGent: Painted a fake tunnel on a wall today. Not one coyote has run into it.

@ObscureGent: [After 2 hours of explaining a complicated board game]

Ok, let’s just play and I’ll explain as we go.