@OhNoSheTwitnt: Just found out there's a bug called the tarantula hawk wasp and I'm like holy shit maybe just pick one terrifying predator to name it after.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: I wish airlines would stop calling it your "final destination" have they not seen those movies?
@OhNoSheTwitnt: There should be LEGO movies of everything. LEGO Die Hard. LEGO John Wick. Hell I'd even watch LEGO 50 Shades of Grey.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Weather channel: It's going to get up into the mid-30's this afternoon but it'll still feel like it's in the teens.
Me: Literally me.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: What are those chocolate coins you guys get on Hanukkah called?
Me: No, Jews get that all year round.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: [coworker starts talking to me at my cubicle]
Welp, nice chatting. This is my stop.
[puts in earbuds]
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Trump: 🎶 Do you wanna build a snowman? 🎶
Elsa: Who will pay for this snowman?
Trump: 🎶 Ok byeee 🎶
@OhNoSheTwitnt: They should punish kids who do well in school with more homework to prepare them for what happens to people who are efficient at their jobs.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: All of Ariel's mer-sisters' names started with A too. More like keeping up with the Karsplashians.