Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OhNoSheTwitnt's best tweets

@OhNoSheTwitnt : Man online: You will die childless and alone with your 30 cats. Me: Sweet.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: God: What the hell is this you idiot I said my son would become a RABBI.

Angel who created the Easter Bunny: Oh shit my bad.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: I’ve seen or heard about Batman’s parents’ death so many times I feel like an accessory to murder for not going to the authorities.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: I should sleep.

Brain: No we must stay on Twitter and correct everyone erroneously identifying a beluga as a dolphin in a meme.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: [cat starts snoring]


[dog starts snoring]


[spouse starts snoring]

I would murder you twice right now if I could.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I put aviator sunglasses on the baby Jesus in your nativity scene and started singing highway to the manger zone.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Dr: What are some of your hobbies?

"I like correcting factual inaccuracies in women's jokes on Twitter"

Dr: (writing) Not sexually active.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: [screaming from my front porch] You teens get off my lawn and register to vote!

@OhNoSheTwitnt: [cuts open a gender reveal cake and several black cats pop out]

Oh hell yes we’re having a witch!

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Can’t wait for Game of Thrones to come back because I miss civilized political discourse.