Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OhNoSheTwitnt's best tweets

@OhNoSheTwitnt : Me: I should sleep. Brain: No we must stay on Twitter and correct everyone erroneously identifying a beluga as a dolphin in a meme.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: [cat starts snoring]

Awwww.

[dog starts snoring]

Awwww.

[spouse starts snoring]

I would murder you twice right now if I could.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Sorry I put aviator sunglasses on the baby Jesus in your nativity scene and started singing highway to the manger zone.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Dr: What are some of your hobbies?

"I like correcting factual inaccuracies in women's jokes on Twitter"

Dr: (writing) Not sexually active.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: [screaming from my front porch] You teens get off my lawn and register to vote!

@OhNoSheTwitnt: [cuts open a gender reveal cake and several black cats pop out]

Oh hell yes we’re having a witch!

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Can’t wait for Game of Thrones to come back because I miss civilized political discourse.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: Writer: So this movie is about a little girl and her dog and...

Disney: Her parents die. Brilliant.

Writer: No.

Disney: Just her mom?

Writer: No.

Disney: Her dad?

Writer: No.

Disney: So then who dies? The girl? The dog?

Writer: Nobody dies!

Disney: Get out.

@OhNoSheTwitnt: A lot of your 30’s involves finding out that the bartender is younger than you and so is your doctor.