Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OneFunnyMummy's best tweets

@OneFunnyMummy : Once upon a time I could complete a sentence and then I had kids. The end.

@OneFunnyMummy: Eventually every parent reaches the it's a good thing they're so cute stage.

@OneFunnyMummy: The only thing worse than thinking of what to make for dinner is then having to cook it.

@OneFunnyMummy: Nothing says you're a parent like being jealous of a tree because it's all alone.

@OneFunnyMummy: I don't homeschool my kids cause the only historic battle I know is the one between Biggie and Tupac.

@OneFunnyMummy: The longer you're a parent the harder it is to act excited when people tell you they're pregnant.

@OneFunnyMummy: Silent Night is my favorite song about my kids staying at their grandparent's house.

@OneFunnyMummy: Stop me if you've heard this already.

-said no kid ever

@OneFunnyMummy: Register for a new blender on your baby registry. It drowns out the crying and makes margaritas. You're welcome.

@OneFunnyMummy: Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards.