Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of OneFunnyMummy's best tweets

@OneFunnyMummy : How much for the angry lawn gnome? That's my toddler.

@OneFunnyMummy: The toughest test in a marriage is interpreting the statement, "Don't get me anything for Christmas."

@OneFunnyMummy: I'm not afraid I'll yell out the wrong name during sex, I'm afraid I'll yell out the name of the candy bar I'm thinking about.

@OneFunnyMummy: -watches two minutes of the news

-locks kids in their rooms forever

@OneFunnyMummy: My life as a parent is less Mary Poppins and more Shawshank Redemption.

@OneFunnyMummy: Chips are not only delicious, but if you crunch them loud enough you can't hear your children anymore.

@OneFunnyMummy: Once upon a time I could complete a sentence and then I had kids. The end.

@OneFunnyMummy: Eventually every parent reaches the it's a good thing they're so cute stage.

@OneFunnyMummy: The only thing worse than thinking of what to make for dinner is then having to cook it.

@OneFunnyMummy: Nothing says you're a parent like being jealous of a tree because it's all alone.