Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Owl_Meat's best tweets

@Owl_Meat : [presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11

@Owl_Meat: captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna

1st mate: dont you mean sonar

captain (already in towel): full steam ahead

@Owl_Meat: [Next door dog barking]

Me: *inserts earpugs*

[Barking intensifies]

Me: wtf................haha oh *removes earpugs and inserts earplugs*

@Owl_Meat: *puts bread in toaster* hmm something strange about the toaster today

Duck(from in toaster): no there isnt

@Owl_Meat: [highspeed chase]

ANCIENT GREEK COP: Damn they're getting away *turns on Siren*

[several nearby ships are lured to their doom]

@Owl_Meat: The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti

@Owl_Meat: [Car breaks down]
Me:*inspecting engine*
Date: is everything ok?
Me: *nervously searching 100 now empty hamster wheels* haha..y-yep

@Owl_Meat: [In a cucumber submarine]

1st mate: *inspecting leak* we're taking on saltwater captain

Cptn: hm yes looks like we're in quite the pickle