@PaigeKellerman: I've gotten to the point in my parenting career where I don't just vacuum up Legos, I laugh while I do it.
@PaigeKellerman: Parenting is having your kids reject everything you cook, and then watching the 2yo eat a dog treat and ask for another.
@PaigeKellerman: I'm never a more ineffective parent than when I accidentally make threats that rhyme.
@PaigeKellerman: Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling "The laptop's not a touch screen," at my kids.
@PaigeKellerman: 90% of being a parent is shouting, "Remember to flush the toilet." The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone.