Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of ParasiteHilton's best tweets

@ParasiteHilton : Is my bath bomb supposed to be ticking?

@ParasiteHilton: Make fun of my long hair and I’ll ride past your girlfriend’s bedroom window on a stallion.

@ParasiteHilton: *”accidentally” drops my gym membership card from my wallet in front of a cute girl*

Me: Oh gee, I seem to have dr—

*300 fast-food coupons flutter to the ground following it*

@ParasiteHilton: I wonder if Spiderman and Batman ever fight over who gets to eat the best bugs.

@ParasiteHilton: *watches Forensic Files for tips*

*taps pencil*

*scribbles "DON'T GET CAUGHT"*

*taps pencil*

*pauses*

*underlines it*

@ParasiteHilton: Date: Uhh seriously?

Me: Oh don't tell me you don't sneak food into the movies too

*dips lobster in my pocket filled with melted butter*

@ParasiteHilton: "HAHA WTF LMAO OMG LOL HAHA WTF LMAO LMAO HAHA LOL OMG LMAO LOL WTF LMAO" - Birds at 6AM