@ParasiteHilton: Make fun of my long hair and I’ll ride past your girlfriend’s bedroom window on a stallion.
@ParasiteHilton: *”accidentally” drops my gym membership card from my wallet in front of a cute girl*
Me: Oh gee, I seem to have dr—
*300 fast-food coupons flutter to the ground following it*
@ParasiteHilton: I wonder if Spiderman and Batman ever fight over who gets to eat the best bugs.
@ParasiteHilton: *watches Forensic Files for tips*
*scribbles "DON'T GET CAUGHT"*
@ParasiteHilton: Date: Uhh seriously?
Me: Oh don't tell me you don't sneak food into the movies too
*dips lobster in my pocket filled with melted butter*
@ParasiteHilton: "HAHA WTF LMAO OMG LOL HAHA WTF LMAO LMAO HAHA LOL OMG LMAO LOL WTF LMAO" - Birds at 6AM