Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Parker_Simpson's best tweets

@Parker_Simpson : Thinking ab including nude photos of me in my Tinder profile to weed out women who vomit easily

@Parker_Simpson: Studies show that people who start a sentence with "studies show..." have no clue what they're talking about

@Parker_Simpson: I imagine it's pretty humbling for someone who's literally taking part in their first rodeo

@Parker_Simpson: this Holiday Inn has their flag at half mast...I'm assuming one of their guests died overnight

@Parker_Simpson: I must be getting old...my urine flow sounds like a drippy leak in an old abandoned factory

@Parker_Simpson: When I'm backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ

@Parker_Simpson: Hey guys keep up the "Bush did 9/11" tweets I think the pressure is really grinding his gears

@Parker_Simpson: We're probably like 10 years away from ppl running for president strictly for more Twitter followers

@Parker_Simpson: It concerns me when someone comes out of the bathroom stall and has to wash their hands all the way up to their elbows

@Parker_Simpson: I wonder if ppl who design new kinds of toilet paper ever think,"Why do we ever try? ppl are gonna shit all over this new design"