Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Phoebetate's best tweets

@Phoebetate : I'm the girl who shows up at a Halloween party where everyone is dressed as something sexy and I'm dressed as a bean bag.

@Phoebetate: Shout out to my body for reminding me that, while I'm too old to have the tiny waist of a 15yo, I'm not too old for a pimple on the forehead

@Phoebetate: So I'm still newish around here...

What are the rules about Canadians? Does everybody get one? Do I get to choose? Where do I sign up?

@Phoebetate: Whatever, Twitter makes me a safer driver. Now I stop at every red light, even the lights that I think may change in the next minute or two.

@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.

@Phoebetate: I was just accosted by a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain't got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her