@Phook75: It sucks when I congratulate a woman on her pregnancy only to have him quickly correct me
@Phook75: Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
@Phook75: I don't ever worry about the kinda world I'm leaving my kids. They'll just leave their shit everywhere anyhow
@Phook75: The best time to leave the country is when a demonic voice screams your name from inside a locked basement
@Phook75: If I'm ever kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to recite the ABC's without singing the song tell my family I loved them
@Phook75: FACT: If you can trick a British person into saying "fortnight" they have to become your butler.
@Phook75: My wife has been in the bathroom for almost 25 minutes.
Im basically a single dad now
@Phook75: The biggest problem with getting my picture taken is anytime someone says "Cheese!" My immediate response is "Where!!"
@Phook75: I don’t need a calendar to tell me winter is approaching
*strokes wife’s leg hair*