Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Phook75's best tweets

@Phook75 : The best time to leave the country is when a demonic voice screams your name from inside a locked basement

@Phook75: If I'm ever kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to recite the ABC's without singing the song tell my family I loved them

@Phook75: FACT: If you can trick a British person into saying "fortnight" they have to become your butler.

@Phook75: My wife has been in the bathroom for almost 25 minutes.
Im basically a single dad now

@Phook75: The biggest problem with getting my picture taken is anytime someone says "Cheese!" My immediate response is "Where!!"

@Phook75: I don’t need a calendar to tell me winter is approaching

*strokes wife’s leg hair*

@Phook75: There is a 88% chance my chalk outline will be holding a piece of cheese.

@Phook75: A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who reply to a text message with a phone call

@Phook75: "You'll be visited by 3 ghosts."

"Will they show me the true spirit of Christmas?"

"No, they'll try to eat you."

Pac-Man Christmas Carol

@Phook75: It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name