Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Piecezilla's best tweets

@Piecezilla : Welcome To Earth. You're not supposed to rub your eyes when they itch even though nothing feels better than rubbing your eyes when they itch

@Piecezilla: St Peter reviewing my browser history before I enter Heaven: I see you've had a hard time cooking chicken. All of that's behind you my child

@Piecezilla: [slowly backing away] why do you know what shooting fish in a barrel is like?

@Piecezilla: Putting a bell around a cow's neck to circumvent its stealthiness is just wrong. I say let them hunt.

@Piecezilla: A tree silently weeping as firemen steal its cat. Again!

@Piecezilla: The weatherman said it's nice outside. I guess they don't let him watch the rest of the news.

@Piecezilla: Apologies your honor [slides ventriloquist dummy back under my seat] I was told these proceedings were going to be televised.

@Piecezilla: [Jogs to a halt in front of you minutes after a fire truck passes]That guy's (panting) never gonna sell any fire (panting) driving that fast

@Piecezilla: My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.