@PinkCamoTO: Tried a sample of rosemary mint body wash today and now I smell like a very clean roast chicken.
@PinkCamoTO: Me: What are you doing?
H: Fantasy football.
M: Which football players are you fantasizing about?
M: Is that not how it works?
@PinkCamoTO: Sorry I missed your wedding, but Netflix just autoplays the next episode now.
@PinkCamoTO: *planning family vacation*
Me: So what about camping?
Them: We love camping!
Me: Great! I'll drop you off on my way to the spa.
@PinkCamoTO: My walk of shame is just me leaving a party trying to hide a Tupperware container of leftover cake under my hoodie.
@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends*
Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon.
Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons?
Me: You heard me.
@PinkCamoTO: *looks at calendar*
*looks at stomach*
*looks at calendar*
Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this summer.
@PinkCamoTO: Does anyone need a pen? I just went through a few drawers and it turns out we have ALL of them.