Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of PinkCamoTO's best tweets

@PinkCamoTO : I feel like people who end up on Dateline for committing murder don't watch enough Dateline to plan their crimes accordingly.

@PinkCamoTO: Tried a sample of rosemary mint body wash today and now I smell like a very clean roast chicken.

@PinkCamoTO: Me: What are you doing?
H: Fantasy football.
M: Which football players are you fantasizing about?
H:
M:
H:
M: Is that not how it works?

@PinkCamoTO: 🎶 That's me in the corner
That's me in the spot light
Eating a banana 🎶

@PinkCamoTO: Sorry I missed your wedding, but Netflix just autoplays the next episode now.

@PinkCamoTO: *planning family vacation*

Me: So what about camping?

Them: We love camping!

Me: Great! I'll drop you off on my way to the spa.

@PinkCamoTO: My walk of shame is just me leaving a party trying to hide a Tupperware container of leftover cake under my hoodie.

@PinkCamoTO: *out for dinner with friends*
Me: I'm going to need 5 desserts and 1 spoon.
Waiter: Don't you mean 1 dessert and 5 spoons?
Me: You heard me.

@PinkCamoTO: *looks at calendar*

*looks at stomach*

*looks at calendar*

Guess I'm telling people I'm pregnant again this summer.

@PinkCamoTO: Does anyone need a pen? I just went through a few drawers and it turns out we have ALL of them.