Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Pirate_nurse : I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added
"Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer"
In my prayers
@Pirate_nurse: To be clear...putting your entire fist in your mouth should be a party trick saved for after Uncle Barry leaves
@Pirate_nurse: In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
@Pirate_nurse: If he's dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all
"I still haven't gotten my period."
@Pirate_nurse: Well, Norah on FB has decided to continue her thankfulness through December and I have decided to key her car after dinner
@Pirate_nurse: Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked into we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked
@Pirate_nurse: In my defense I told him it was my cheat day and I didn't understand why he brought home cupcakes and not Juan from the gym
@Pirate_nurse: I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won't judge u for making a beautiful rug
@Pirate_nurse: Don't forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not
@Pirate_nurse: I wanna be the reason you're comfortable with your prostate examination