@PleaseBeGneiss: TICKET AGENT: and will this be round trip?
FLAT EARTHER: here we go again
@PleaseBeGneiss: [first day as marriage counselor]
HER: we’re trying to have a baby
ME: ok I’ll step outside
@PleaseBeGneiss: WORD: wanna see paste options?
ME: no it’s fine
WORD: but check out these paste options
ME: pls move the box I can’t see the words behind it
ME: fine there I looked now move the box
ME: it’s still there
WORD: which was your favorite :|
@PleaseBeGneiss: SANTA: *sees presents under Christmas tree already* what the? someone beat me to it
[a light glows in the corner]
ALEXA: what’s the matter, old sprite, not in your... prime?
@PleaseBeGneiss: HER: *picking dandelion* blow this and make a wish
ME: *fully inserting into mouth* how do I know when it’s done *spitting out seeds* oh it’s done
@PleaseBeGneiss: ME: let’s not fight
DOCTOR: you punched me
ME: you stabbed me
DOCTOR: with a needle
ME: let’s not fight
@PleaseBeGneiss: WIFE: I want a new baby monitor for Christmas
PRESENT UNDER TREE: *hisses and rustles*
ME: you should open that one first
@PleaseBeGneiss: WIFE: can you fold the clothes in the dryer?
ME: *climbing in* I can try