Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Pumpkinbabypie's best tweets

@Pumpkinbabypie : HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner? Me: Roast Chicken. HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home? Me: yes, a roast chicken.

@Pumpkinbabypie: You know how sharks die if they ever stop swimming?

It's the same with my mother in law and talking.

@Pumpkinbabypie: Thin eyeliner today.

*left one goes fatter

*right one goes fatter

*left one goes fatter

*right one goes fatter

*covers entire face.

@Pumpkinbabypie: Surely these children should be in bed by now?

- me, anytime after 4pm

@Pumpkinbabypie: No, of course I'm not mad.

It's fine.

*goes home, starts building a Death Star.

@Pumpkinbabypie: I just feel like you shouldn't be using a selfie stick unless you're a T-Rex.

@Pumpkinbabypie: Things that are dangerous-

-riding a motorcycle
-sharks
-riding sharks