Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Pundamentalism's best tweets

@Pundamentalism : I've got butterflies in my stomach this morning, and a lifetime ban from the Entomology section at the Natural History Museum.

@Pundamentalism: Alligators can live up to 100 years, which is why there's an increased chance that they will see you later.

@Pundamentalism: The saddest thing about trying to find a needle in a haystack is that your horse is hiding a drug habit from you.

@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend said she wants a fairy-tale life. So I've trapped her in her gran's bedroom with a wolf.

@Pundamentalism: To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.

@Pundamentalism: My girlfriend was devastated to find out that my mates call me ‘The Love Machine’ because I’m terrible at tennis.

@Pundamentalism: Ha - mildly amusing
Haha - funny
Hahaha - sarcastic laugh
Hahahaha - stayin' alive

@Pundamentalism: "I'd like a bowl of soup please."

"Any sides?"

"I hope so, or it'll go EVERYWHERE."