Funny Tweeter

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Page of QwertyJones3's best tweets

@QwertyJones3 : We need a name for our store that shows we're on the cutting edge of technology. "How about Radio Shack?" Perfect.

@QwertyJones3: [speed dating]

HER: I'm a real planner. I like people who plan ahead.

ME: *trying to impress her* I'm already wearing a condom

@QwertyJones3: One hamburger please

CHICK-FIL-A: Sorry we only serve chicken here

Oh
*leaves*
*comes back wearing a chicken costume*
One hamburger please

@QwertyJones3: [kid watching an episode of The Flintstones for the first time]

"They made a show based on vitamins? This is dumb."

@QwertyJones3: MY DAD: Foreigners in this country need to learn English.

ALSO MY DAD: I heard you got a new hi-bird car.

@QwertyJones3: Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I just want a girl who gets at least 100 likes on every selfie.

@QwertyJones3: INTERVIEWER: You worked in a NASCAR pit crew? How does that qualify you to work here at the Men's Wearhou

*I've already changed his pants*

@QwertyJones3: [group therapy]

"I always feel unnoticed"

NINJA: I hear ya

CHAMELEON: Same

GUY WITH CAMOUFLAGE PANTS: It's like we're all soulmates

@QwertyJones3: "Dog Detective, how can I help you?"

MY PERSON THREW THE BALL AND I CAN'T FIND IT

"Did you check his hand?"

NO HE THREW IT ALR... oh wait

@QwertyJones3: HER: I'll only agree to do nudity if it's done tastefully

PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows