Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Reverend_Scott's best tweets

@Reverend_Scott : [first date] Date: I like bad boys, and sensitive guys Me: [slowly uncovers Golden Girls tattoo]

@Reverend_Scott: [God creating cats]

God: people will wanna hug 'em, but they usually won't want you to

@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know how fast you were going?

Me: obviously, I have a speedometer

Cop: I know that

Me: then why did you ask?

Cop: [looking down moving toe around in the dirt] I just wanted to talk

@Reverend_Scott: God: this pie is outstanding. where'd you get the apples?

Eve: ok promise you won’t get mad

@Reverend_Scott: Wife: our friends won't call us back cuz they're sick of your conspiracy theories and seafood puns

Me: maybe they were all abducted by UFOs, seems awfully fishy to me

@Reverend_Scott: God: Done

Angel: you can't be finished

God: I am

Angel: but that's a hairless cat-

God: aaand send

@Reverend_Scott: [first date]

ME: Don't let her know you're a teacher

HER: [eats mint from purse] So, w-

ME: I HOPE YOU BROUGHT ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE CLASS

@Reverend_Scott: [God creating bears]

God: people will wanna hug 'em, but you really shouldn't

@Reverend_Scott: my favorite thing about Sesame Street is that everyone's more concerned about Oscar being a grouch than the fact a vampire lives there

@Reverend_Scott: [uses Ant-Man tech to carry around a bunch of dogs in my pocket]