Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Reverend_Scott's best tweets

@Reverend_Scott : Welcome back to Taco Addicts Anonymous. Congratulations everyone here on stayin clean for 4 months and- [loud crunch noise in back of room]

@Reverend_Scott: God: welcome to heaven. here's your wings.

Adam West: [putting on batman cowl] I won't be needing those.

@Reverend_Scott: customer service: so the vacuum works just fine but you want to return it cuz it's... too loud?

me: [looks over at dog] that is correct

@Reverend_Scott: if cupid went bow hunting would the deer population increase or decrease?

@Reverend_Scott: Dog 911: what's ur emer-

Dog: MY HUMAN IS TALKING TO ME

Dog 911: so?

Dog: THEN HE ANSWERS FOR ME IN A WEIRD VOICE

Dog 911: OMG

Dog: OMG

@Reverend_Scott: ME: Can you stop the car here? I wanna pet the dogs at that animal shelter.

ARRESTING OFFICER: No.

@Reverend_Scott: [hands mom flowers on Mother's day]
thanks for a life of sacrifice, these cost me twenty bucks

@Reverend_Scott: [praying mantis home]
"Happy Mother's Day, mom"

Aww, thank u, son

"Mom, why did Dad leave?"

[turns head away 180°]
I was hungry