Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Reverend_Scott's best tweets

@Reverend_Scott : [being carried out of the zoo on a stretcher] not all hyenas are scared of the name Mufasa, I know this now

@Reverend_Scott: BELLE: I love you

BEAST: You broke the curse!
[transforms into hideously ugly man]

BELLE: Welp, guess you're all good. I gotta roll. Peace

@Reverend_Scott: SON: What will happen when I die?

DAD: Well son, you know how all dogs go to heaven?

SON: YA-

DAD: You're not a dog.

@Reverend_Scott: RANGER: watch out for wolves

ME: oh ya?

RANGER: so relentless-

[wolf runs up w/ bible] HAVE U HEARD ABOUT OUR LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST

@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: What are you doing?

ME: IT'S NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE

WIFE: You're teaching the dog karate?

ME: Then it's exactly what it looks like.

@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: what's your emer-

DOG: MY HUMAN SAID "WALK" WHILE TALKING

DOG 911: so?

DOG: WE NEVER WENT FOR A WALK

DOG 911: OMG

DOG: OMG

@Reverend_Scott: The year 2077. Due to the dog filter, face swap, and distortion filters, senior citizens have no idea what they really looked like as teens.

@Reverend_Scott: When I lift one of my dog's muddy paws to clean it he acts like he's gonna fall down. DOG YOU STILL GOT 3 LEGS. I ONLY GOT 2

@Reverend_Scott: [first date]

HER: So, I hear you're a dog person-

ME: [tucking my tail between my legs] WHO TOLD YOU

@Reverend_Scott: COPS: WE'RE COMIN IN

"have a police dog?"

COPS: YES

"only the dog can come in"

COP: BUT-

"my house, my rules"

COP: I guess that's true