Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Reverend_Scott's best tweets

@Reverend_Scott : horse: [driving in a car past people in a field] PEOPLE!

@Reverend_Scott: CYCLOPS: what's that screaming?

PROF. X: I maxed out the difficulty in the danger room

WOLVERINE: [running through the aisles of a virtual grocery store trying to avoid talking to neighbors, old class mates, and ex gfs] NOOOOOOOOOO

@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped u?

"To compliment my hair?"

Cop: [looking down moving toe around in the dirt] Maaaaybe.

@Reverend_Scott: FRIEND: wanna come over?

ME: what's your dog up to?

FRIEND: um, she's at the groomer-

ME: THEN WHY ASK ME OVER

@Reverend_Scott: WIFE: He never pays any attention to me. All he cares about is that dog.

THERAPIST: is this true?

ME: [sewing swim trunks for the dog] is what true?

@Reverend_Scott: mugger: YOUR MONEY OR YOUR LIFE

me: My best friend will protect me

mugger: Haha, right-

[my dog appears spinning dual nunchucks]

@Reverend_Scott: GOD: I call those trees and plants

ANGEL: very beautiful

GOD: ya I'm gonna make some people allergic to them

ANGEL: dude who hurt you

@Reverend_Scott: [history class in 2069]

TEACHER: how did the Civil War begin?

ME: when theĀ United Nations prepared to pass theĀ Sokovia Accords, which would establish a UN panel to oversee and control The Avengers, Iron Man and Captain America were divided.

TEACHER: correct